Adieu/au revoir my love

The days turn into night and night into days and on and on it goes as I drift from one day to another in a blur. The last few weeks have been nothing but a blur, I loved and I lost, or lost in love I guess is a way to say it.

So as I stand by my window watching the world whizzing by, I want the rest of the world to standstill with me. I want everyone to mourn my loss of love with me.  A slow drizzle from the sky bringing as much gloom as I feel I could muster in a single afternoon, might be what I need, I want everyone else to feel the same doom and gloom I feel. Never I dare say have I felt a need for such a gloomy day.

The heartbreak has got the best of me this past few weeks, I have been slipping into a melancholy mood feeling as if the light behind my eyes has dimmed, the forced smile my charade to keep going.

I am trying to say goodbye to a relationship, which is tugging at my heart-strings and making it hard to let go.  As i struggle with goodbye, I wonder how do I let go of the memories attached to the relationship that make you want to fight more and torment myself with the what ifs.

I know I am far from perfect, my list of  shortcomings would make anyone blush, but my love for you was honest. I love you so much that I make silly choices in the hopes of making you jealous. In hindsight like everything else, I know that it was a bad move, but at that moment of decision-making it seems like I would do anything to show you how much I love you, even if the end result is just the opposite.

The extent of my humiliation seems to know no bounds, I beg and plead hoping that you would give me that one chance I want.

We both have hurt each other in the name of love. It is so hard to see myself without you, every place I go, have a reminder of you, what do I do, how do I forget. No matter where I look, there is something of you that catches my eye. I try to run for miles, hoping that the wind in my face and the breathlessness I feel will give me temporary relief from you.

However, the more I run, the memory of you keeps flooding into me, bringing tears to my eyes. How do I forget you ?

I have loved before, but I realized there is various degrees of love, the feeling of knowing that something feels so right and that’s what I had with you.

Please help me.

 

 

 

 

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About my random musings

I am originally from South East Asia and I moved to the US about 15 years ago to follow my heart. My heart has since been broken a few times, but I continue to be on journey of trying to mend it. I could talk about running, baking or writing in a small crowd, but put me in a room full of strangers and I will be the one standing in a corner people watching. When I am not writing or running, I would be in my kitchen, flour strewn all over the kitchen counters, music playing in the background and me just rolling and folding dough, excited about what my creation will turn out to be. Besides that I love passionately, when I love, I give it my all, not always a good thing, but that is who I am. I jump both feet in and sometimes I come out with regrets but having learnt a lesson. I believe everything happens for a reason and this is my place to share bits and pieces of my life, my adventures and sometimes misadventures. Hope you enjoy reading my stories as much I enjoy sharing them with you.
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2 Responses to Adieu/au revoir my love

  1. what a heartfelt piece

    Like

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