Hey there lonely girl

This song plays in the background “Hey there lonely girl” as I type this post. When someone sent it to me, I was not sure if I should laugh or cry, well to be honest I did a bit of both. The lyrics seem to resonate with me a bit too much even though I wish it did not.

As much as I should avoid going down memory lane and instead take my friends’ advice, that I should ‘move on, don’t let it get to me, don’t think about it’ it is at this stage easier said than done. Those are all positive advice which I should take to heart and I want to, but right now as time ticks by slowly, my broken heart is still broken and I still struggle to find a way to mend it and stop thinking of the person(s) who broke my fragile heart, not just broke it but shattered it into a thousand pieces, which I am still trying to piece together.

I have held back writing this post for a long time, but maybe this is part of my healing process, the part of letting it out here and sharing my hurt and pain, maybe my friends will understand me a bit better and how hard it is to let go. I know I have written about this a few times, as much as I want to write about something else, I can’t, because hurt and pain still control me to a certain point.

Like everyone says, I know, I need to let go of the past.  Forget those who hurt me and get on with my life. My life has not come to standstill.  I do what I do best; work as many hours as I can, cook, bake and mostly run and ride my bike for miles trying to free my mind.   I feel the wind blow in my face and the sweat pouring down and sometimes an odd tear mixed with the sweat streaming down my cheeks.

But the human mind is an odd one, sometimes I feel like I have no control over my thoughts, no matter how hard I try to control them.

Instead of posting this I could go run 10 miles or bake up a storm in my kitchen, the possibilities of what I could do instead of writing is endless, but right now, all I wanna do is click away at my computer. Sitting here typing this post makes me reminisce, it is around this time last year, that I let my guard down, let someone break down my barriers and let my heart love again.

I don’t want to remember, so instead I step away from the computer, put on my running shoes and run for miles. I run and I run and I run and then I realize, I will one day get over this hurt and pain and I will one day trust again, but till the time is right, I will write, I will run and I will bake and sometimes even think about him, the good times, the bad and hurt and the pain, but most of all I am gonna do my best to live my life the best I can.

image

The view when I run.

 

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About my random musings

I am originally from South East Asia and I moved to the US about 15 years ago to follow my heart. My heart has since been broken a few times, but I continue to be on journey of trying to mend it. I could talk about running, baking or writing in a small crowd, but put me in a room full of strangers and I will be the one standing in a corner people watching. When I am not writing or running, I would be in my kitchen, flour strewn all over the kitchen counters, music playing in the background and me just rolling and folding dough, excited about what my creation will turn out to be. Besides that I love passionately, when I love, I give it my all, not always a good thing, but that is who I am. I jump both feet in and sometimes I come out with regrets but having learnt a lesson. I believe everything happens for a reason and this is my place to share bits and pieces of my life, my adventures and sometimes misadventures. Hope you enjoy reading my stories as much I enjoy sharing them with you.
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4 Responses to Hey there lonely girl

  1. Chandani says:

    Its only human to dwell on the past from time to time but gradually they ll fade from your memory.

    Like

  2. Jim says:

    Love that song Tania. You do seem lonely and as I have said before, sorry that he broke a beautiful heart like yours. JD

    Like

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