Am I an addict ?

The sun has not peeked for the last few days and the gloomy dreariness continues and I feel like Winter is mocking me. After all August disappeared with a blink of an eye, with abundance of sunshine and me being outside enjoying it and it seems September has brought lots of rain and dreariness.

I don’t dislike rainy days, I enjoy watching the rain come down while sitting by my window with my computer…it makes me nostalgic and sometimes reminds of being a kid back  home, where the roads would be so flooded we would frolic while wading through it.

However, the last few days with the rain coming down non-stop gave me cabin fever, I wanted to go out for a run….I have a tendency of wanting to run whenever I feel antsy. It makes me feel free for that hour of running.  I wonder could I be addicted to running ?

When I did a half marathon last year, a few friends told me that I would get hooked on it the runners high, they said. I laughed at that notion, who can get hooked on running, i.e., punishing yourself, that definitely was not me.

Today, here I am on a cold gloomy day, waiting to leave work so I can run. I worked 9 hours and I was exhausted, staying at home, curled with a book or Netflix sounded like a perfect evening, but instead I come home, put on my running shoes and plan to run 4 miles, which eventually turned into 8 miles.

When I initially start, my mind, my body, my legs, don’t want to co-operate, all it says is go home ….but eventually my brain switches off and my legs mechanically keep going. I never realize how far I have gone or for how long, till something snaps inside me, bringing me back to the present.

I like the feeling of the wind blowing in my face, my hair drenched in sweat stuck to me, my music just playing in my ears. Most often I don’t hear the music, it’s a form of distraction, but there are moments, a lyric will catch my attention, making me want to listen more carefully.

Today this was the song that got my attention.

 

My legs buckle at certain words in the song, I want to stop running and pay more attention, but I know, there might be tears mixed in with the sweat and I don’t need that anymore. The song finally ends and I continue running and I hope that one day I would have outrun the pain and hurt I feel. Till that day comes, I will run and continue to sign up for half marathons and marathons and use that as a way to ease my pain.

 

 

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About my random musings

I am originally from South East Asia and I moved to the US about 15 years ago to follow my heart. My heart has since been broken a few times, but I continue to be on journey of trying to mend it. I could talk about running, baking or writing in a small crowd, but put me in a room full of strangers and I will be the one standing in a corner people watching. When I am not writing or running, I would be in my kitchen, flour strewn all over the kitchen counters, music playing in the background and me just rolling and folding dough, excited about what my creation will turn out to be. Besides that I love passionately, when I love, I give it my all, not always a good thing, but that is who I am. I jump both feet in and sometimes I come out with regrets but having learnt a lesson. I believe everything happens for a reason and this is my place to share bits and pieces of my life, my adventures and sometimes misadventures. Hope you enjoy reading my stories as much I enjoy sharing them with you.
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4 Responses to Am I an addict ?

  1. Jim says:

    Nothing wrong with running addiction. Form of exercise both physically and more importantly mentally.

    JD

    Like

  2. amommasview says:

    Running can turn into meditation. Don’t run away. X

    Like

    • Thank you. I agree running is therapeutic even though it’s physically challenging. I find myself trying to outrun hurt and pain, as much as I can’t outrun that, running helps me deal with it. Thank you for reading.

      Like

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