One day I’ll fly away

It has been another day where the sun refuses to shine, instead there is more gusty winds and rain pouring down. I feel so confined now,  all I really want to do right  now is go run. It seems like it has been weeks since I last ran and I feel uneasy and on edge and maybe a run will help me. Despite my dislike of the cold, I feel tempted to brave the wind that mother nature is sending us and put on my running shoes.

However, when I take a peek outside my window, I see winds blowing so hard that I decided maybe it is no time to tempt fate with a run.

On rainy days most people would want to sit in front of the TV and watch endless amounts of mind numbing shows, at this moment that sounds like a wonderful idea, unfortunately for me, my tablet that I watch my shows on has decided not to work, which in hindsight gives me more time to write and read and not be hooked on TV shows.

Considering running is out of the question and watching TV is not an option, I decided maybe I should instead head to the kitchen and create my storm. Of course there is endless amounts of things I could find to do, but I want to do something which gives me some joy.

Whenever I travel to some place new I always pick up something random to cook/bake with. During this trip I brought back some green tea powder for baking. This seemed like a good time, to put on my apron, turn the oven on and start baking.

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“You made your mark, here in my heart. One day I’ll fly away, leave your love to yesterday, what more can your love do for me, When will love be thought with me ?”   plays in the background.

The sifted flour and green tea powder is set aside, while I start whisking the eggs and sugar etc, and I wonder when I will I able to fly away and leave his love to yesterday ? It is a question I constantly ask myself. I don’t know why I struggle so much with it. Maybe it is just the way he hurt me or maybe it is just how much I opened up myself and let someone deep into my soul.

I stir, mix and bake, while I continue pondering on my question. The tray is now in the oven and I can sit at my computer to start writing. They say, “It’s easy to take off all your clothes and have sex. People do it all the time. But opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams….Now that’s being naked” maybe that was my downfall.

Green Tea Madelines

Green Tea Madelines

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I will never know the answer, because he is too selfish to tell me. He has no idea that he took a part of me when he chose the cowardly way or what he has done to me. I am not the person I was and I probably never will be.  ” When will I begin, my life again ?  One day I will fly away and leave his love to yesterday.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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About my random musings

I am originally from South East Asia and I moved to the US about 15 years ago to follow my heart. My heart has since been broken a few times, but I continue to be on journey of trying to mend it. I could talk about running, baking or writing in a small crowd, but put me in a room full of strangers and I will be the one standing in a corner people watching. When I am not writing or running, I would be in my kitchen, flour strewn all over the kitchen counters, music playing in the background and me just rolling and folding dough, excited about what my creation will turn out to be. Besides that I love passionately, when I love, I give it my all, not always a good thing, but that is who I am. I jump both feet in and sometimes I come out with regrets but having learnt a lesson. I believe everything happens for a reason and this is my place to share bits and pieces of my life, my adventures and sometimes misadventures. Hope you enjoy reading my stories as much I enjoy sharing them with you.
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3 Responses to One day I’ll fly away

  1. I’m sorry you are having heartbreak problems. I read somewhere, when someone leaves you they are opening up the space for the right person to come. I hope you can look at it that way. Heartbreak is hard, very hard. I think every person on earth experiences it. Someday the right one will come and will stay.

    Liked by 1 person

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