I want to break free

It’s way past midnight and I am having one of those sleepless nights and this time I can’t  blame it on coffee. The usual TV shows which normally lull me to sleep has done nothing and neither has the book I’m reading. I turn page after page and it keeps me enthralled, even though I hope that it will eventually help me find sleep.

The quietness of the night has a sense of eeriness to it, the heater just makes a random whirring sound. My mind is racing with the most obscure thoughts, no I don’t want to think about him nor write about him or heartbreak or betrayal. I want happy thoughts about things, but my mind refuses to do that.

I turn the music on and as if on cue Vince Gill starts crooning “I’ve been trying to get over you, I’ve been spending time alone, I’ve been trying to get over you, It’ll take dying to get it done” 

Well it won’t take dying on my part, but I have definitely been spending time alone and enjoying my alone time. So much so that I even had someone tell me that I was a terrible person because I wanted to spend a weekend to myself having some alone time.

To be honest there are times I hate being alone in my apartment, those are the times I go run for miles, even though I am out by myself, something about being outside makes it all better. Then there are those days, I want to stay inside, turn my music on, cook dinner, clean and do the most mundane things and this was one of those weekends. I believe that time alone is good for your soul or so I tell myself.

While I continue to pound away at the keys Vince Gill continues to croon in the background. I can relate to the part of trying to get over you, that is what I am still trying to do and if I am here at midnight typing, it is safe to say that I am yet to get over him.

“When I look up from my pillow, I dream that you’re there with me, though you are far away I know you will always be near me. I go to sleep and imagine that you’re there with me” by Sia, that’s the next song that comes on. It seems like there is no escaping the recurring theme of songs coming on.

Yes, I do admit I am still trying to get over him and I imagine that things were different, but then there is the reality of what is. Pouring my heart out on here has helped me and admitting that I am still trying to come to terms with it maybe the key to setting myself free. At this point I am willing to try anything to set myself free.

Maybe the next song will be “I want to break free, God knows, God Knows, I want to break free” – Freddie Mercury.

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About my random musings

I am originally from South East Asia and I moved to the US about 15 years ago to follow my heart. My heart has since been broken a few times, but I continue to be on journey of trying to mend it. I could talk about running, baking or writing in a small crowd, but put me in a room full of strangers and I will be the one standing in a corner people watching. When I am not writing or running, I would be in my kitchen, flour strewn all over the kitchen counters, music playing in the background and me just rolling and folding dough, excited about what my creation will turn out to be. Besides that I love passionately, when I love, I give it my all, not always a good thing, but that is who I am. I jump both feet in and sometimes I come out with regrets but having learnt a lesson. I believe everything happens for a reason and this is my place to share bits and pieces of my life, my adventures and sometimes misadventures. Hope you enjoy reading my stories as much I enjoy sharing them with you.
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4 Responses to I want to break free

  1. Chandani says:

    This kind of songs should be banned…………He deserves none of your affection or attention.

    Like

  2. J says:

    Yes…still trying to get over him….

    Like

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