I met you in the summer

A few days ago someone asked me what was the most memorable thing about my summer that did not involve running or baking. I had to take a while to think about it and unfortunately I realized that the highlight of my summer involved getting over heartbreak and it all involved running and baking. It was probably a response he did not want to hear nor one that I wanted to give.

It made me sad that I had wasted away my summer, my favorite time of the year, moping over someone who hurt me so badly. This thought made me realize that I did not want to waste my winter away in the same fashion.

Moving on doesn’t mean you forget about things. It just means you have to accept what happened and continue living.

It turns out besides nursing a broken heart, running and baking were the only things I could talk about in the summer. Yes there was the trip which involved kayaking, a trip to the West Coast, but that involved running too.

As I sit here typing this post, I wonder, is it normal to spend that much time nursing a broken heart, specially one that was broken into splinters ?

I will always remember the summer of 2014, as the year that made me a different person, as the year that I put up walls so thick around myself, that there was no way anyone was going to break it and mostly as the year that made me re-evaluate every friendship I had. Yes, I will always remember the Summer of 2014 for all that but I will also remember it as the year that running became a huge part of my life.

While broken hearts do happen to most of us, if not all of us, I decided I can’t let that be the defining factor of my year or my life. There will always be that scar from it, but I want to remember the achievements, the little things that made me happy. Crossing the finish line to 4 half-marathons, learning to love running so much that I constantly say it saved me.

I know it seems odd that I would say running saved my life, but in a strange way it did. It helped me keep my sanity intact, when I was at my lowest point in life, I would put on my running shoes and go outside and run and run and run. Yes, there were times tears were streaming down my face while I ran for miles, there were times I ran in the rain, I ran in 100 degree temps, no matter what, I ran. There were days my heart was so heavy with hurt and pain that I wanted nothing more than to sit in a corner and cry my heart out, but yet I forced myself to go run.

As I sit here in my favorite coffee shop typing this post, reminiscing about the summer it makes me teary eyed. There are moments I miss him, moments I want to tell him what I did, all my running and I know he will be proud of me. I know he broke my heart and I have no doubt he knows he broke my heart, but yet, he will be proud to see what I have achieved. After all, I believe we did have something special and that is why I hurt the way I do.

But summer is now over, winter is here, it is time to put that summer to rest and focus on what Winter will bring me and look forward to the next summer. Maybe this broken heart will be mended next summer and my heart will soar again…. but till then I will continue to run and focus on that full marathon I am going to run next year.

Time does heal broken hearts and to the person who broke it this summer, I may have lost you in the summer, but thanks to you, I found running and myself and I am thankful for that.

This one is for you J.H.

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About my random musings

I am originally from South East Asia and I moved to the US about 15 years ago to follow my heart. My heart has since been broken a few times, but I continue to be on journey of trying to mend it. I could talk about running, baking or writing in a small crowd, but put me in a room full of strangers and I will be the one standing in a corner people watching. When I am not writing or running, I would be in my kitchen, flour strewn all over the kitchen counters, music playing in the background and me just rolling and folding dough, excited about what my creation will turn out to be. Besides that I love passionately, when I love, I give it my all, not always a good thing, but that is who I am. I jump both feet in and sometimes I come out with regrets but having learnt a lesson. I believe everything happens for a reason and this is my place to share bits and pieces of my life, my adventures and sometimes misadventures. Hope you enjoy reading my stories as much I enjoy sharing them with you.
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8 Responses to I met you in the summer

  1. Jim says:

    Beautiful Tania. JD

    Like

  2. Jean Alphin says:

    Broken hearts mend……nevertheless,the experiences has made you a stronger person. Good luck,your doing great!

    Like

    • Thank you very much. Yes, I agree, broken hearts do mend and if not for anything else, I am thankful for the lessons learned from this and for making me not just stronger but a better person. Thank you again for stopping by and for the follow.

      Like

  3. wendykarasin says:

    They say God protects us when our hearts are broken. They also say we grow stronger in the places we have been broken. I think we do learn from heartbreak, and pain in general. We learn to be discerning, take our time, know what we do and don’t like. I also think there’s no time frame for nursing ourselves back to health, it takes the time it takes. So be gentle with yourself, cry when you want to, and try not to isolate.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your words. It has definitely made me stronger and taught me so much about myself, most importantly it gave me running. There are times I still do cry, but I am lucky to have some great friends who have helped me through. Thank you again.

      Like

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