“I’ve been stabbed in the back by those I needed the most. I’ve been lied to by those I love and I have felt alone when I couldn’t afford to be. But at the end of the day I had to learn to be my own best friend, because there’s going to be days where no-one is going to be there but myself!”
It seems it has been forever since I last posted on here. I have started so many posts that somehow sits unfinished.
Despite my having a lot of things that need to get done, I miss not writing, miss not hitting that publish button and miss not hearing thoughts from those who follow me. But mostly I feel incomplete not having sat down to write, to let my words flow freely and set myself free. So here I am again, in my favorite seat at the coffee shop, looking for that inspiration I desperately seek.
Like running, writing and baking is a huge part of who I am and probably who I will become.
I have said before running became my escape and writing and baking my chance to let my creativity flow and a way to set myself free and shut myself from all that surrounds me and in a way a place to escape again.
A couple of days ago, I had this sense of being agitated, I missed not being outside and running, I so desperately needed to add some miles on my running shoes. I felt like a prisoner, engulfed by the rain that was coming down. The minute the sun came out, I was out running. It might have been 48 degrees, but to me the sun was out and that was all I needed. Once I was outside there was no stopping me, mile after mile I go, dreaming of everything that was and everything that could be.
My mind feels free as does my feet. It has been days since I had thought about my ex, the guy who destroyed me, the one who made me strong, yet weak and made me find myself. It was because of him I had to dig deep into my soul to find who I am and be comfortable with it.
Thoughts of him no longer consume me, the reason for that is for another time for another post. However, I am a strong believer that you can forgive, but you can never forget and that is definitely ingrained me.
I still fight hard to keep strong that wall I built around myself and I still refuse to let my guard down, to let anyone into my life. Yes, I admit there are moments of weakness when I see cracks in it, which not just scares me, but terrifies me.
Don’t lose your faith in me and I will try not to lose faith in you. Don’t put your trust in walls, cause walls will only crush you when they fall.
Ray LaMontagne – Be here Now
There are moments that I find myself exhausted just trying to fight myself to stay strong. Therefore, maybe it is time for me to allow little cracks in my wall and to stop fighting myself to stay strong. It is time to set myself free and learn to let myself go and not punish everyone around me for what one person did. It maybe not be easy, but it is what I am going to learn to do. I am going to learn to set myself free.