Learning to set myself free

“I’ve been stabbed in the back by those I needed the most. I’ve been lied to by those I love and I have felt alone when I couldn’t afford to be. But at the end of the day I had to learn to be my own best friend, because there’s going to be days where no-one is going to be there but myself!”

It seems it has been forever since I last posted on here. I have started so many posts that somehow sits unfinished.

Despite my having a lot of things that need to get done, I miss not writing, miss not hitting that publish button and miss not hearing thoughts from those who follow me. But mostly I feel incomplete not having sat down to write, to let my words flow freely and set myself free. So here I am again, in my favorite seat at the coffee shop, looking for that inspiration I desperately seek.

Like running, writing and baking is a huge part of who I am and probably who I will become.

I have said before running became my escape and writing and baking my chance to let my creativity flow and a way to set myself free and shut myself from all that surrounds me and in a way a place to escape again.

A couple of days ago, I had this sense of being agitated, I missed not being outside and running, I so desperately needed to add some miles on my running shoes. I felt like a prisoner, engulfed by the rain that was coming down. The minute the sun came out, I was out running. It might have been 48 degrees, but to me the sun was out and that was all I needed. Once I was outside there was no stopping me, mile after mile I go, dreaming of everything that was and everything that could be.

My mind feels free as does my feet. It has been days since I had thought about my ex, the guy who destroyed me, the one who made me strong, yet weak and made me find myself. It was because of him I had to dig deep into my soul to find who I am and be comfortable with it.

Thoughts of him no longer consume me, the reason for that is for another time for another post.  However, I am a strong believer that you can forgive, but you can never forget and that is definitely ingrained me.

I still fight hard to keep strong that wall I built around myself and I still refuse to let my guard down, to let anyone into my life. Yes, I admit there are moments of weakness  when I see  cracks in it, which not just scares me, but terrifies me.

Don’t lose your faith in me and I will try not to lose faith in you. Don’t put your trust in walls, cause walls will only crush you when they fall.

Ray LaMontagne – Be here Now

There are moments that I find myself exhausted just trying to fight myself to stay strong. Therefore, maybe it is time for me to allow little cracks in my wall and to stop fighting myself to stay strong. It is time to set myself free and learn to let myself go and not punish everyone around me for what one person did. It maybe not be easy, but it is what I am going to learn to do. I am going to learn to set myself free.

Advertisements

About my random musings

I am originally from South East Asia and I moved to the US about 15 years ago to follow my heart. My heart has since been broken a few times, but I continue to be on journey of trying to mend it. I could talk about running, baking or writing in a small crowd, but put me in a room full of strangers and I will be the one standing in a corner people watching. When I am not writing or running, I would be in my kitchen, flour strewn all over the kitchen counters, music playing in the background and me just rolling and folding dough, excited about what my creation will turn out to be. Besides that I love passionately, when I love, I give it my all, not always a good thing, but that is who I am. I jump both feet in and sometimes I come out with regrets but having learnt a lesson. I believe everything happens for a reason and this is my place to share bits and pieces of my life, my adventures and sometimes misadventures. Hope you enjoy reading my stories as much I enjoy sharing them with you.
This entry was posted in Food/Baking, Friendship, Life, Love, Running, Uncategorized, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Learning to set myself free

  1. Jim says:

    Very good!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. unbelievablyunbounded says:

    The more I read your blog the more I think we are the same person 😉 We both love running, writing, and baking! Haha anyway- learning to set yourself free is such a strong step in the right direction of getting over your ex. Are you religious at all?

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s