The time test for friendships

“It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who are you and what you want, and then you realize that people you’ve known forever don’t see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.”

I read this quote a few days ago and it made me think about some of my friendships or a friendship in particular. I have lately been battling with my conscience about what I should do. My friend and I go way back, it is safe to say we have known each other half of our lives, but recently I found that I have matured, aged and grown older, where as she is still the same, angry, selfish, narcissistic, self-centered teen she was.

As much as I would like to sever ties with her and move on, I find it hard to do so. We have had so many good times, but recently, I feel resentful just  listening to her. Most often I would start a conversation about my day, but 2 seconds into it, I find that we are back talking about her. The hour-long  conversations we have end up being all about her and if I am lucky enough to have 2 minutes to talk about me, I am reminded by her how wrong everything I do is.

No matter what we talk about, be it cooking/baking or just life and its struggles she takes that opportunity to find a way to make sure find a way to tell me that I am doing it wrong.  For the most part I have learnt to listen and ignore, but there comes a certain point when listening and ignoring are no longer an option.   I am now at the point that I dread answering my phone and trying to stay calm and collected during our conversations.

I no doubt have my shortcomings, failures and quirks, but I would like to believe that as I get older I have changed and learnt my lessons and make more of an effort to being a better person and that these are my mistakes to learn by.

It makes me sad that someone is still stuck in a time machine and refuses to move forward, to take the life she has and make the best of it. Instead she choses negativity and blame everyone but herself for all the shortcomings in her life.

Yes, life is not easy and has its ups and downs, but despite all that, I believe you make the best of it.

I have done my best to be a supportive friend that I can be, but I am unsure  how I should deal with it. I by no means want to hurt her feelings by being brutally honest with her about what I think, but it is weighing me down.

I admit she does have reasons for her frustration and I do understand that, but I am constantly trying to help her deal with her situation, the best I can.  I talk to her because I know she needs someone to vent to. While I do all I can, there are moments I feel irritated that she is trying to rub her negativity on me. I am at my wit’s end not knowing what to do.

Do I just cut ties and end a friendship that spans decades ? I know my trying to tell her all this is probably going to hurt her feelings because she will once again refuse to see my point of view and will end the friendship. I would like to continue our friendship and be there for her, but I am not sure how much more I can put up with.

I am no longer the angry rebellious teen I was, while I am not proud of those moments, I would like to think of myself differently. Maybe I am living in a fool’s paradise believing that  most of us change as we get older. I want my friend to be happy and I want to do whatever I can and be supportive of her, but how do I that and still keep my sanity intact ?

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About my random musings

I am originally from South East Asia and I moved to the US about 15 years ago to follow my heart. My heart has since been broken a few times, but I continue to be on journey of trying to mend it. I could talk about running, baking or writing in a small crowd, but put me in a room full of strangers and I will be the one standing in a corner people watching. When I am not writing or running, I would be in my kitchen, flour strewn all over the kitchen counters, music playing in the background and me just rolling and folding dough, excited about what my creation will turn out to be. Besides that I love passionately, when I love, I give it my all, not always a good thing, but that is who I am. I jump both feet in and sometimes I come out with regrets but having learnt a lesson. I believe everything happens for a reason and this is my place to share bits and pieces of my life, my adventures and sometimes misadventures. Hope you enjoy reading my stories as much I enjoy sharing them with you.
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6 Responses to The time test for friendships

  1. keekschi says:

    I think you should do it! have the difficult conversation! and then see how she takes it.. maybe you’ll be surprised at how she reacts and if she reacts in a way you expected her to, then the ball is in her court. all the best.
    p.s i started writing my first blog ever! feel free to check it out 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. keekschi says:

    that sounds hard. we’ve all been there with a friend who is acting selfishly. and its hard to stay in their life with all the negativity. in my opinion, be honest first. just say how you feel and say it in a soft way, if you dont want to totally ruin the friendship. I appreciate and love our friendship but I feel….
    hope it helps!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. I guess there is no easy way to have that conversation, she is unfortunately one of those people who you cannot have a rationale conversation with, it will turn into a blame game and thats what I dread.

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  3. IAmDonovan says:

    I feel like there’s no right answer to this. I totally understand how you feel and it’s unfair that you have to be in a relationship like that. My suggestion would be that if the friendship has survived for the decades it has, then it’s pretty strong. So strong that if you were to, for example, speak freely about how you’re feeling, then it wouldn’t cause any big problems. But your friend needs to know how you feel and how you perceive her to be. Perhaps she’ll be willing to work on herself for your sake. And, if she does take offence to it and wants to end the friendship, then there’s your out, as you were considering cutting ties. At least that way you won’t regret not being honest.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for taking the time to write a comment on this. I wish it was easy to have a conversation with her. She is not one of those people. The friendship has survived with a lot of ups and downs, but mostly because I have learnt not to take anything she takes to heart….but that too is getting old. But thank you very much, I might give your suggestion a shot and see what happens…at least I can say I tried.

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