If you have been following my blog for a while you would have noticed that it is generally serious, ok maybe serious is not the word, but it is not light-hearted or amusing. However, my previous post click here (Dart away dear one) turned out to be that and I have now decided to try to write a few more pieces that I would classify as light-hearted.
I have recently been helping a friend write her on-line dating profile, so here is my take on what my dating profile would be.
Dear future dater,
Do you like drama queens ?
Do you like clingy women ?
Do you want someone who will depend on you ?
Do you want someone who will cook, clean, do your laundry, pick up after you, and hand you your beer ?
If you answered ‘yes’ to any or all, then I am the person you are looking for.
Sense of humor is over-rated, after all life is so serious, so let’s not laugh at anything or ourselves. I hang out at bars, drink the evening or sometimes night away and then crawl back to my apartment. Do you think you can drink more than me ? Then you should meet me at the bar down the street and let’s find out.
Who needs friends or family, after all they say you are born alone (unless you are a twin) and die alone, so why be close to family or friends between birth and death, because eventually they all abandon you.
Not looking to meet someone who is in shape, the only shape I am concerned about is that you be ’round’ or ‘boxy’. So make sure you don’t exercise, because that is not something I believe in either. Bonus points if you are someone who sits around watching TV, does not enjoy being outdoors and the only form of exercise you get is using your fingers to change the channel on your TV remote or exercising your wrists by taking that can of beer to your mouth.
Now if you can balance that can of beer on your belly, that will definitely score points with me.
Please do not write to me if you are spontaneous, honest or trust worthy. All those are qualities that I do not seek, and are over rated and unattractive, so is self-confidence and maturity. Therefore, please act like an over grown kid, who refuses to be responsible for anything…now that is an attractive trait.
If you like what you read or see, don’t write me a message, just send me a wink or a like and I promise to reply you. By the way, please make sure you don’t know how to spell, write or read either. I dislike show-offs who know how to spell or rite a sentence with grammatically correct English.
My perfect partner would also live with his mum in her basement, take the bus around and be unemployed. The ideal first date would be walking around the mall (remember you are unemployed) and trying the samples at the food court. Not too much walking since that might be mistakenly construed as exercise.
If you are you this person…. ? I look forward to hearing from you.