I am no quitter

Here I stand with hundreds of others at the start line for the first half marathon I am running for 2015.  We all had the same insane idea of waking up at crack of dawn to go run 13.1 miles. I always question my sanity for signing up for a race, but the moment I cross that finish line, I breathe a sigh of relief, get high on the adrenaline of doing it and go back and sign up for the next.

When the next one is looming again,  I start to question myself again and on and on it goes. I suppose it is true, I do have a love hate relationship with running. I would love to hate it, but its more like that I hate it that I love it. (well I did discombobulate you with that sentence ?)

The race starts and I hit play on my music and on my GPS and I go. I try to blank my mind of every mundane thing and just focus on the running.  When I cross the flag that waves in the wind for the 1st mile, I let out a sigh and think, 1 down and 12 to go. But I keep going and going not thinking about running anymore.

I feel a twinge of pain in my ankle at mile 6.  I hurt my ankle a few days ago during one of my training runs.  I could feel the pain coming back, but considering I am no quitter, I keep going, trying not to think about the pain.

However, to stop from thinking about the excruciating pain in my ankle, I try to think about different things. As if on cue we run into Fort Story (which is a military base that houses 2 lighthouses)  which somehow takes me back in time.

It has been a while since I have thought of him or what happened.  My mind has been occupied with my trip and people I met during that time and the next trip(s) I want to take. But here is a good time as any to think of someone and something else at this moment.

Even if I did not want to think about him, there was no way I was going to run past these lighthouses and not think about the last time I was here. It may seem like I am punishing myself by thinking of someone who hurt me, but at this moment, in order to stop thinking from physical pain of my ankle I rather think of emotional pain and have my mind think of something else.

The last time I was here, that was when I had this strange inclination that I was getting stabbed in my heart and back and I had no control over it.  Tears well up in my eyes and at this moment I am not sure if it is the excruciating pain in my ankle or just the pain I felt in my heart for the last time I was here.

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As much as I want to stop in front of the lighthouse and reminisce about that moment, I keep going, I don’t want to stop. Stopping is not an option and neither is quitting.

I finally see that finish line looming ahead of me and I cross the flag that says mile 13 waving in the wind on the boardwalk and I hear my name over the loudspeaker as I cross that finish line.

The timing for my run might have not been my best, but the fact is that I crossed the finish line despite my injured ankle is what makes me happy.

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About my random musings

I am originally from South East Asia and I moved to the US about 15 years ago to follow my heart. My heart has since been broken a few times, but I continue to be on journey of trying to mend it. I could talk about running, baking or writing in a small crowd, but put me in a room full of strangers and I will be the one standing in a corner people watching. When I am not writing or running, I would be in my kitchen, flour strewn all over the kitchen counters, music playing in the background and me just rolling and folding dough, excited about what my creation will turn out to be. Besides that I love passionately, when I love, I give it my all, not always a good thing, but that is who I am. I jump both feet in and sometimes I come out with regrets but having learnt a lesson. I believe everything happens for a reason and this is my place to share bits and pieces of my life, my adventures and sometimes misadventures. Hope you enjoy reading my stories as much I enjoy sharing them with you.
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9 Responses to I am no quitter

  1. This is inspiring. I’m going to try running instead of just wasting my time at home and wanting to stuff myself with food. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. Running definitely helped me get through a lot of difficult times. I do have my moments of stuffing myself with food, but then I go run and make myself feel better. All you have to do is put on the running shoes and force yourself to even walk for a few minutes. You can do this Ysabel.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Awesome! You made it. I was afraid you were going to write that you injured your ankle even more by running on it.

    Like

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