Is it crazy that my past motivates me ?

It has been 10 days since I ran, 10 days since I felt the wind in my face, my hair flying around and the sweat pouring down my face while the music pounds in my ears. In other words it has taken me 10 days to recover from my last 13.1 mile run and to put one foot in front of the other and to walk normally and feel no pain.

This is the time of the year that I enjoy going for a long run, its hot and humid just the way I like it and I love the smell of the hot summer air and I need to take advantage of this weather and run as much as I can, because I am still trying to get rid of the few extra pounds I may or may not have gained during my 2 week vacation in Spain.

Despite all the aches and pains, after a 10 day break  it was time to put those shoes on and go pound the sidewalk for a few miles. As badly as I want to run, I come up with a long list of excuses why I should not run, “it’s too hot, it’s too gloomy, I am too tired, I am hungry and on and on my mind churns out reasons why I should not run.

I could easily sit back and let the list of excuses grow or I could put those shoes on and force myself. I try to ignore the mess than needs cleaning or the things I need to do to get ready for the farmers market and the cooking lesson I am supposed to give over the weekend. Despite all of that, I decide I need to force myself to go for a run. I won’t say that I have fallen out of love with running or lost my motivation for it, but somehow the pain I feel after each long run has put a damper on my running.

The thought of the full marathon I will run this year flashes in my mind, injury or not that full one is going to happen this year. I have a few months to train for it and I have a lot of people on my side cheering me on and I can’t let them down.

I put my shoes on and step outside and take a breath of the hot humid air.  Just stepping outside makes me feel good. Even though its only 10 days since I ran, in the running world 10 days feels like months and I struggle to get going. There is no nagging pain in my leg, which is a positive sign, but every time I take a few days break, getting into that grove and pace takes more work than I can imagine and always feels like 2 steps back and not 1 step forward.

At this time all I do is make an effort to keep going, maybe I can I start thinking of painful memories to keep my mind focused and motivated… that somehow seems to always have an impact on my running.

I know that letting go of the past is the best way to move forward and to be honest I have let go of the past and right now forward looks pretty promising and I am excited about it. But when I know that I need some motivation to keep going, looking back seems to have magical motivation compared to forward.  That may make me a glutton for punishment, but at this time, some will say running in 85 degree temperature is also punishment.

It does not matter how I do it or what I use as motivation, the important thing is I am out here, making an attempt to run and getting closer to that full marathon.

After 4o minutes I throw in the towel and head back home, sweat pouring down my face, but just glad that I got that 4 miles in. After all 4 miles is 4 miles and that is one step closer to the 26.2 miles I will run this year.

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About my random musings

I am originally from South East Asia and I moved to the US about 15 years ago to follow my heart. My heart has since been broken a few times, but I continue to be on journey of trying to mend it. I could talk about running, baking or writing in a small crowd, but put me in a room full of strangers and I will be the one standing in a corner people watching. When I am not writing or running, I would be in my kitchen, flour strewn all over the kitchen counters, music playing in the background and me just rolling and folding dough, excited about what my creation will turn out to be. Besides that I love passionately, when I love, I give it my all, not always a good thing, but that is who I am. I jump both feet in and sometimes I come out with regrets but having learnt a lesson. I believe everything happens for a reason and this is my place to share bits and pieces of my life, my adventures and sometimes misadventures. Hope you enjoy reading my stories as much I enjoy sharing them with you.
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5 Responses to Is it crazy that my past motivates me ?

  1. kutukamus says:

    For all I know, some ‘use’ their past for self-punishment.
    So, nope! Using it for self-motivating force is no craze at all, I guess 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. Sometimes we have to think whatever works for us. Most often it is not my past that motivates me, but my future, then there are times it is my past. Thank you for stopping by.

      Like

  2. Good for you! You got yourself going again. Sometimes thats the hardest thing to do.

    Liked by 1 person

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