I sit here in love purgatory

The only sound disturbing the quiet Saturday morning while I sip on my hot piping coffee is the birds chirping. I sit here on my computer listening to the endless chirping as the first batch of pastries continue to bake in the oven for the farmers market.

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I love my saturday morning baking. Everyone around is asleep as I sit here enjoying the silence that comes with waking up at 5.30 am.

This is the time my mind as usual wonders from one thing to another. Sometimes it is to ideas for baked stuff I could experiment with for the market, but today my mind flashes to an article I read recently about meeting the love of your life at the wrong time.

I wonder is it the right person at the wrong time or the wrong person at the right time ? I suppose that is up for debate. I believe that every person comes into your life for a reason and sometimes as they say for a season.

I’ve had a couple of serious relationships and a marriage.  I have considered 2 of them the love of my life, but like I said before, they were there for a season.

As sad and hard as it is, I would say that my ex husband was not the love of my life. Typing that part on here is hard. It makes me feel like I betrayed him by saying it out loud, but unfortunately that is the sad truth.  I did love him and he in love with me or so I think. But it didn’t take me long to realize we had made a mistake in getting married and as typically as that goes we went our separate ways.

Next I met D, he was absolutely wonderful to me, he was supportive, took care of me when I was sick, traveled with me, was adventurers, spontaneous, loved to try different foods, made attempts to cook for me and was a huge inspiration to me in the kitchen and writing. We spent 3 years together, during which time we had endless adventures. The whole time we were together I believed he was the love of my life. But as time went on, there were cracks that started to show in our relationship, it was trivial in my opinion, but neither one of us made the effort to fix those cracks. More me than him I think. I had this romantic notion that love will conquer all and it was just a ‘rough patch’ we were going through.

I wonder if he was just the right person at the wrong time ? As much as I would like to believe that, the time seemed right at that time. We were both where we wanted to be, but the differences were bigger than both of us or maybe it was just fate playing its part in our lives.

Time goes on and then I meet J. A few weeks into my relationships with him, I could see my life with him. We had our share of ups and downs, more downs considering he was told he had to leave the country. Despite everything I absolutely believed he was the right person at the right time. We were so different, yet similar. He could not understand my obsession with food, but yet appreciated my drive to do the things I enjoyed. I believe my relationship with him was truly the right person just at the wrong time. We were at different places, hoping that love would triumph above all. Unfortunately it did not have the fairy tale ending of love winning.

There are others I have dated since then, most often it seems wrong person, right time or right person, wrong place. I constantly ask myself, did I let something like distance get in the way of the right person to be the one that got away ?

So as I ponder on all the loves that have gone by, I keep wondering if any of them was the right person at the wrong time or were they just there for a season.  Is it really about time or is it fate that intervenes and takes the wrong person out of your life. Is right time and right person equal fate getting it right.

A million thoughts swirl through my head, but this is the question I constantly ask myself, if the right person just happens to be in your life at the wrong time, would they come back around at the right time ? Will fate intervene and bring the right person at the right time ? I will probably never know, because after all they say timing is everything.

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About my random musings

I am originally from South East Asia and I moved to the US about 15 years ago to follow my heart. My heart has since been broken a few times, but I continue to be on journey of trying to mend it. I could talk about running, baking or writing in a small crowd, but put me in a room full of strangers and I will be the one standing in a corner people watching. When I am not writing or running, I would be in my kitchen, flour strewn all over the kitchen counters, music playing in the background and me just rolling and folding dough, excited about what my creation will turn out to be. Besides that I love passionately, when I love, I give it my all, not always a good thing, but that is who I am. I jump both feet in and sometimes I come out with regrets but having learnt a lesson. I believe everything happens for a reason and this is my place to share bits and pieces of my life, my adventures and sometimes misadventures. Hope you enjoy reading my stories as much I enjoy sharing them with you.
This entry was posted in Food/Baking, Friendship, Life, Love, Uncategorized, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to I sit here in love purgatory

  1. Good luck! It isn’t easy to find the right person at the right time!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. amaya911 says:

    Congratulations! I’m not sure if you accept awards but I’m nominating you for the Dragons Loyalty Award. http://lifeofanelpasowoman.com/2015/06/08/dragons-loyalty-award/

    Liked by 1 person

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