The mind of a wonderer

I continue staring at the tiny screen in front of me, as I watch movie after movie to kill 13 hours of flying time. The sound is on, but I am not really paying too much attention to the movie. I am using it as a way to distract myself and not let my mind wander. I keep my headphones on, because the passenger next to me tries to strike up a conversation.

It is hard not to let my mind wander now, I can’t help but think about him.  I do think of him from time to time, but today thoughts of him engulf me because I am going into a country where I know he lives.  Enough time has passed that thoughts of him should not cross my mind, but I wish it was that easy to shut it down.

I dread as to how I will spend hours seated at the airport, trying to distract myself and not think of him. So instead of letting thoughts of him overtake my mind, I walk around in circles at the airport, window shopping, trying to calm my wandering mind.

I tell myself that thoughts of him can’t win, I can’t let it take me down memory lane, but it is hard not to, specially when I have nothing but time on my hands. Instead of letting that win, I park myself in a corner and decide to write…maybe that will distract me as will the people watching.

The last 2 days seems like a blur to me. Running the rock n roll half marathon and then rushing back home to pack my bags. After which ensued lines, airports, planes and more lines. Sitting for hours is not easy thing for me to do. I can’t sit still for too long, my patience is tested when I am stuck on a plane for 13 hours. I don’t want the stilted conversation with strangers seated next to me. I want to stare into the abyss of nothingness and indulge in dreaming or just shutting my mind out and watching endless movies.

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I wonder around the airport feeling lost in the swamp of people I am surrounded by. Typically I would want to walk and explore every store, but today, my mind is not in that. I dread sitting here for hours, counting down the hours for my next flight. Instead of sitting and letting thoughts of him take over, I indulge in some over priced retail therapy. A 6$ cup of coffee, over priced souvenirs and things I don’t need, but want at this moment just to stop thinking.

Thoughts could be hard to control sometimes, should I give into it and let it wonder or should I find ways to control my thoughts. I have emails that need to replying, blog posts that need to be finished and a book that I need to read. So instead of letting my mind wander around, I chose to shut down and go read a book and maybe that will be the distraction I need till I get on a plane and out of this airport.

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About my random musings

I am originally from South East Asia and I moved to the US about 15 years ago to follow my heart. My heart has since been broken a few times, but I continue to be on journey of trying to mend it. I could talk about running, baking or writing in a small crowd, but put me in a room full of strangers and I will be the one standing in a corner people watching. When I am not writing or running, I would be in my kitchen, flour strewn all over the kitchen counters, music playing in the background and me just rolling and folding dough, excited about what my creation will turn out to be. Besides that I love passionately, when I love, I give it my all, not always a good thing, but that is who I am. I jump both feet in and sometimes I come out with regrets but having learnt a lesson. I believe everything happens for a reason and this is my place to share bits and pieces of my life, my adventures and sometimes misadventures. Hope you enjoy reading my stories as much I enjoy sharing them with you.
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6 Responses to The mind of a wonderer

  1. Loved this. Very well written.

    Liked by 1 person

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