How do I keep my emotions at bay ?

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With just 7 days to go for my full marathon, my mind is churning with various thoughts about it. Can I do this ? That is what is foremost on my mind. I am terrified, scared, worried, nervous, petrified….oh well you get the idea of running 26.2 miles.

Whenever I am driving I check the distance and think…. is it possible to run this far ? I keep hoping that I can do this. I have trained for it, but not diligently enough, because my mind keeps getting pre-occupied with so many things that trying to focus on this has not been easy. But despite all the negative energy around me, I will be there at that start line. Whether I will cross that finish line is left to be seen.

Right now I sit here indulging in my usual Saturday routine of baking for the farmers market, but besides that I am rolling my foot in ice to try to keep the plantar fasciitis at bay.  Last week I woke up to the pain in  my foot and considering all the reading and listening I do about running I knew what it was. Now besides the IT band issues on my leg I have this new thing to be concerned about.

I am unsure if all this is taking its toll on me, because I seem to be on an emotional roller coaster these days. Anything and everything could bring tears to my eyes. I could be driving and some sad song could make me cry, or maybe  watching some clip on-line that could make me cry, or even  a random phone conversation with my bestie and you guessed it, I find tears welling in my eyes. My mind is flooding with every thought that makes me an emotional mess and I seem to not have control over that.

Unfortunately I can’t blame all my emotions on the injuries that are hindering my running, there is so much more that is making me  the way I am. But for now I should focus on the running and nothing but running.

Running, running, running is my mantra for the next few days. Running for hours should give me time to think of every other thing in my life. If tears were to roll down my cheeks while running, I can blame it on the running.

My friends who usually run with me or are my usual support system are unable to be there and I think that too is adding to my emotions. One friend just had a baby so she is no longer running or is able to go with me, the other friend is at boot camp and thought she could make it to run with me, but she is unable to be here and someone else who always supports me has left for overseas and all he could do now is call and text me encouraging words. But here I am not even begun to run 26.2 miles, but yet feeling so alone.

I know I won’t be alone at that start line, there are thousands running this race and probably a few who will be feeling as alone as I will be feeling at that moment. But I hope once I hit the start button on my music and get going,  my emotions will stay at the start line and nothing but energy and positivity will keep me going for the rest of the 26 miles.

Despite all the emotional toll that I am feeling,  I have a sense of excitement that I can call myself a marathoner after I complete this race. So till I cross that finish line, I will do my best to curtail my emotions and not let the countdown to race day get to me.

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About my random musings

I am originally from South East Asia and I moved to the US about 15 years ago to follow my heart. My heart has since been broken a few times, but I continue to be on journey of trying to mend it. I could talk about running, baking or writing in a small crowd, but put me in a room full of strangers and I will be the one standing in a corner people watching. When I am not writing or running, I would be in my kitchen, flour strewn all over the kitchen counters, music playing in the background and me just rolling and folding dough, excited about what my creation will turn out to be. Besides that I love passionately, when I love, I give it my all, not always a good thing, but that is who I am. I jump both feet in and sometimes I come out with regrets but having learnt a lesson. I believe everything happens for a reason and this is my place to share bits and pieces of my life, my adventures and sometimes misadventures. Hope you enjoy reading my stories as much I enjoy sharing them with you.
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