Thought about stopping, but then I kept going

I’m tired said my body. I can’t said my mind. But I still haven’t made it said my heart. So I kept going”.

The race is finally run and I live to tell the tale.

My one man cheering squad and I set off for Richmond on Friday to check out the expo and explore Richmond. I collected my bib and my t-shirt with trepidation and questioning myself if I should just switch to a half marathon.

There is no explaining how terrified I was race day morning, but me with some determination and  words of encouragement and support from my friends made it to the start line.

I stood around heart racing in the cold crisp morning at the start line. Finally the runners were waved off and I hit start on my music and my GPS and I go. Around mile 4 my confidence picks up and  I  tell myself  that I feel great and I would possibly do it all over again.  Mile after mile I keep pounding away, waving at the people cheering us on and listening to my music and content that I was keeping up with my pace group.

Around mile 12  my stomach starts to rumble and all I could think of was how badly I wanted food.  The fact that we were running past various restaurants where the smell of food was wafting through the air was not helping my hunger pangs. But I kept chewing on pretzels and energy gels and water and kept going trying not to think of food. But food was all I could think of. All the food I will eat, the big margarita I will have when I am done and all I calories I can consume with no guilt.

It is hard to say if I had any cohesive thoughts the entire time, my mind kept jumping from one thing to another in order to not think that I was only half way and mostly trying to enjoy the scenic route that we were on.

IMG_6157

The view from one of the bridges during my run

After running for 4 hours and 15 minutes, I reached mile 20,  something snapped in me. My mind and my body refused to continue. All I could think of was that I wanted to quit…. but I did not want to give up.  I had heard so much about moments like this and  I knew I had hit the wall and this was no ordinary wall either, it was a concrete wall. I had to find a way to break through that barrier and keep going. Giving up at mile 20 was not an option.

Every random happy thought I was trying to have besides running, was stinging my eyes with tears and I was struggling to keep going. I desperately wanted to quit, I just wanted to limp my weary self over to a corner and lick my wounded pride and say I give up. However, all the words of encouragement and support was ringing in my ears along with the words ‘keep going, you can do this’, being shouted at by strangers makes it hard to quit.

I turn the music on louder and try to get my mind back on track and force myself to put one foot in front of the other and not think of every ache and pain I could feel. My determination to finish was bigger than the pain I was feeling at that moment.

At mile 24 my one man cheering squad runs into the street and I just fall into his arms in exhaustion.  He offers to come with me the rest of the way, while I want him besides me, I give him a feeble smile and nod and pick myself up and start running again.

There in the distance I  finally see mile 26 and I start to smile, because I know I made it.

Unfortunately I did not make it in the 5 hours I had planned, but the most important thing is I did make it immaterial of the time. I did run 26.2 miles and I am now a marathoner and belong to the 5% of the population that complete a marathon.

While I still beat myself up over having stopped, having hit the wall, having slowed down in the last 6 miles, as my friends say, this was my first marathon and I just need to bask in the moment of having completed it.

While every part of my body hurt and I limped around for the rest of the weekend, it was worth every minute and every ache and pain I felt.

So now I can say that I have one thing ticked off my bucket list.

Will I run another marathon ? Despite all the hurt and pain I would say hell yeah !

12241686_10208323044740514_3306751619894978653_n Photo

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About my random musings

I am originally from South East Asia and I moved to the US about 15 years ago to follow my heart. My heart has since been broken a few times, but I continue to be on journey of trying to mend it. I could talk about running, baking or writing in a small crowd, but put me in a room full of strangers and I will be the one standing in a corner people watching. When I am not writing or running, I would be in my kitchen, flour strewn all over the kitchen counters, music playing in the background and me just rolling and folding dough, excited about what my creation will turn out to be. Besides that I love passionately, when I love, I give it my all, not always a good thing, but that is who I am. I jump both feet in and sometimes I come out with regrets but having learnt a lesson. I believe everything happens for a reason and this is my place to share bits and pieces of my life, my adventures and sometimes misadventures. Hope you enjoy reading my stories as much I enjoy sharing them with you.
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37 Responses to Thought about stopping, but then I kept going

  1. kutukamus says:

    Congrats. My best is around 10K—and that was in my ‘prime time’ 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Congratulations! I hope you enjoyed a nice meal and few refreshments after the race.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. pjbyerwriter says:

    Well done! Inspiring effort. It’s these challenges we set ourselves that stretch and broaden us. It’s also essential to acknowledge our achievment and bask a little in the glow. I was in a group that cycled across much of Cambodia three years ago. The elation at completing 600kms was amazing! PJ

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. I did bask in the achievement and I can’t wait to do it again.
      Congratulations on your 600km of cycling, that not only sounds challenging but seems like a great adventure.
      I enjoy trying to push myself beyond my limit, because it definitely adds so much to our life and helps us grow.

      Like

  4. embroideredtreasures says:

    Congratulations! Thanks for sharing what a terrific experience through your writing I felt I was there also!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. janerunswild says:

    Congratulations on running the Richmond Marathon! That one is on my list- you gave a great overview of the race! Thank you. Hope you enjoy some rest now! Happy running.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. One of the reasons I picked Richmond was because it is called the friendliest race and recommended as a first marathon to do. The people on the street were really out there cheering everyone and lots had snacks to offer and it lived upto it’s name of friendliest race. I hope you get to experience this race and enjoy Richmond too. Thank you for reading.

      Like

  6. yhealthy2000 says:

    Congratulations!! So happy for you. That is a great accomplishment. My husband and I do a yearly 10-K and I think I can do 1/2 marathon…I can’t think of doing a whole!! Great determination and great going!! Heck you are stronger than you think!! Yaz

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. When I was doubting myself you and others encouraged me and I appreciate that very much. Once you do a few half marathons, you can eventually build yourself and mind to do that full. I absolutely recommend and encourage people who run to do a full one, it is an amazing feeling when you cross that finish line.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Kashish says:

    That was highly appreciable and inspiring 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Very inspirational. Giving up is not an option ! WE are more powerful than we know. The human body is capable of doing some marvelous things.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Annie C says:

    Congratulations! I’m at half distance right now. A full is such an amazing achievement.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Brie Smith says:

    That’s amazing!!!! Thanks for sharing your experience!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. amaya911 says:

    That’s SO awesome! Congratulations to you! How exciting!

    Liked by 1 person

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