The smell of bread baking fills the air while I stand by my window with a glass of wine in my hand watching the snow come down. It is late at night, and everyone around me is probably sound asleep, but me, I had this overly ambitious idea of baking a loaf brioche bread.
Downside of living in an old quaint brick apartment building is that no matter how much I try to stay warm, the heat somehow seeps out through the old doors or windows. The kitchen has no radiator and the only heat I would get is when I turn the oven on for baking.
So while I was making dinner tonight, I had this bright idea of baking bread. I never know why I start long elaborate projects late at night and usually get exhausted half way and want to give up. But considering there was a blizzard or snow storm heading this way, baking bread seem like a great idea.
Though I do a lot of baking, I generally don’t bake bread, I find the process a little too tedious and exact for me to handle. I want to be able to experiment and change things as I go along, where as in bread it has to be a precise and precise and I don’t really get along.
So while the dough rises and bakes I sat around watching the snow come down around me. As much as I dislike the cold and snowy weather, it forces me to slow down and be lazy and dream of warm weather.
Sitting here enjoying the silence of the night, reminds me to call my sister and talk about my plans for a trip to visit my parents next month. In previous posts I have mentioned that as my parents get older I struggle with the fact that I live far away. Considering I don’t think I am ready to pack my bags and move back, I do what I can and visit them every 6 months at least. I was last there in September. (My favorite post about that trip) and I am planning another trip for next month.
Talking to my sister always makes me miss everyone very much, typically our conversations are brief because we both seem to be constantly caught up in our own lives, giving us little time for long phone conversations, but tonight, she and I had a longer touching conversation.
I had an inclination that she wanted a shoulder to cry on, because she is one who is there on a daily basis to watch them struggle become more and more dependent on others. While they have their own struggles with it, I see my sister having a hard time watching them. I realize despite the fact that we know that we all get old and it is part of life, accepting it is a different scenario altogether. It is a tough balance of wanting to be there for them, but ensuring that they still feel that they have sense of independence.
My sister, the emotional one that she is started to weep when we started to talk about our childhood. It wasn’t all great, like every teenage kid we had our battles with our parents, but I don’t ever recall going hungry or not having what I wanted or needed.
One strong memory I have is our parents taking us to the beach on a regular basis, my dad would say, please eat something before we leave and my sister and I would scream in unison that we were not hungry. However, the minute we left the house we started to crib about being hungry and wanting to eat out. We thought we were being clever about the whole thing, but it turns out they already knew our trick.
An hour later she and I finally hung up the phone, both of us feeling emotional and maybe a little more understanding and appreciative of what our parents have done for us.
I realize there is no point in regrets about my selfish behavior as a kid, but at least it is not too late to change it now and do what I can and spend more time with them. I feel sad that I have limited time on my visits with them, but also thankful that I can spend time with them again soon.
The bread is now baked and so is the Nutella Brioche Pinwheels, time to sit back, watch more snow while I eat some hot bread out of the oven.