Does everything happen for a reason?

It’s less than two months before I move out of my apartment. Where I am going or what I am going to do is still a question. Should I move back to where my parents are?  Should I move to another country, maybe just another State?  Most often I also think about just staying where I am.  The sheer thought of staying here makes me shudder, because along with that comes the fact that I am going to continue to stay in my comfort zone and probably in the same rut I find myself in right now, which makes me want to start packing my stuff right now.

However, every time I look around my apartment I feel overwhelmed thinking about the packing and moving. There is a part of me that feels a tinge of excitement at the thought of going somewhere new, but at the same time afraid as well. I am one who constantly tell my friends that everything happens for a reason, however, when it comes to me, I am on a constant mission searching for the reason.

It is not that dislike where I live, but it seems the cards have lined up in a way forcing me to go have an adventure, which sounds exciting but scary at the same time.  My friend said to me that fate seems to be pushing me away from where I am,  but I am doing everything I can to fight it.  She is probably right about that.

Starting again has a sense of excitement but also an underlying sense of fear. Leaving the place I know, the few friends I have and trying to find my way around a new place is a scary thought. However, I have decided for now I need to stop worrying about where and the what if’s and focus on the packing and putting stuff in storage and take a break from the challenges of my daily life. Maybe that break will give me a clearer perception of what I should do and where I should go.

So I sit starring at the stack of empty boxes sitting around my apartment and I look around everything that has some memory attached to it. I start making piles for donation and as hard as it is, I start putting things that have memories attached to the donation pile. Maybe this is a time for new beginnings and I want it to be new with no sentiment attached to it.

Of course I do understand that I could donate, toss, give away things but the memories in my head and heart are not something I could get rid of.

Almost every single day, I feel like I am sitting on a ticking time bomb which means the packing should continue.  But right now I can no longer bring myself to do it, so instead I grab my computer and head to my coffee shop and catch up on writing and maybe pretend for one more day that this is all a bad dream I am going to wake up from.

There is always tomorrow for packing and getting my head out of the sand, but for now, there is a piping cup of coffee and warm weather to enjoy and trying to figure out if everything does happen for a reason.

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About my random musings

I am originally from South East Asia and I moved to the US about 15 years ago to follow my heart. My heart has since been broken a few times, but I continue to be on journey of trying to mend it. I could talk about running, baking or writing in a small crowd, but put me in a room full of strangers and I will be the one standing in a corner people watching. When I am not writing or running, I would be in my kitchen, flour strewn all over the kitchen counters, music playing in the background and me just rolling and folding dough, excited about what my creation will turn out to be. Besides that I love passionately, when I love, I give it my all, not always a good thing, but that is who I am. I jump both feet in and sometimes I come out with regrets but having learnt a lesson. I believe everything happens for a reason and this is my place to share bits and pieces of my life, my adventures and sometimes misadventures. Hope you enjoy reading my stories as much I enjoy sharing them with you.
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15 Responses to Does everything happen for a reason?

  1. Sam Kinzie says:

    I am going through the same thing. I do firmly believe that everything happens for a reason and those reasons are supposed to teach us lessons. Not to promote my own blog, but you should read my post: https://kinzieskritiques.wordpress.com/2015/12/03/step-out-of-your-comfort-zone-live-a-happier-life/ It talks about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it’s so important for us in order to grow. I think you have to take a chance. If it happens to not be the right choice, well, now you know. Hope this helps!

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    • Thank you for reading and your link to the blog. I agree it is important to step out of the comfort zone, but it seems the older I get it is harder to get out of it. But I want to take this opportunity and shove myself out of my comfort zone and hope it works out well. Good luck to you too and thanks again for reading.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I truly believe that everything does happen for a reason. Sometimes when I get overwhelmed thinking about my life, I sit still in a quiet place and trace back through my head how I got to be in my current situation. Even if where I am is a negative place, re-tracing steps and milestones can show you how everything is connected and how much happened in your life to get you to this point. Maybe a leap of faith is what you need to Jumpstart yourself?

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  3. It has to be very confusing to know you are going to move but don’t know where you want to move to or what you want to do. I hope for you to have clarity, Tania, and that it will come to you exactly where you want and need to be! Best wishes!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ann Coleman says:

    It sounds as if you are very conflicted about what your next step should be. Maybe just give yourself time to sort out what you really want? Whatever you decide, you always have my best wishes!

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    • Saying I am conflicted is an understatement. I am absolutely torn about my next step. But I have decided to take some time off from everything and maybe do some traveling and come back and take on whatever challenges I face. Thank you Ann for your wishes, I am gonna need all of it.

      Liked by 1 person

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