My ides of March 

It’s almost 3 am as I lay in bed listening to the silence. I strain my ears hoping to hear something, but all I hear is the echo of the silence.

One of my favorite songs comes to mind  hello darkness my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again, because a vision softly creeping, left its seeds while I was sleeping, and the vision that was planted in my brain, still remains, within the sound of silence”.- Simon & Garfunkel

I listen to it over and over again, hoping and willing the thoughts in my head to go away and that maybe the song will lull me to sleep.

There is something about the month of March, that no matter where I am or what I’m doing these painful thoughts come flooding to my mind. I used to fight them, but I have learnt that the more I fight them the longer it takes. It is like fighting a losing battle.

So instead I give into them and go down memory lane. Is it 3 years ago that I felt my heart was ripped out of my chest? Was it that long ago? Why does the pain still feel so raw? Questions still taunt me, but I’m no longer controlled by them or no longer have the burning desire for the answers.

I grab my old computer and decide to open the Pandoras box. It has been a long time since I have looked at these pictures. The forgotten picture folder. Looking at them I’m transported to a different time of my life, happy yet sad, in love but not loved.

I scroll past the few pictures I decided to hold on to, the weekend getaway, the first marathon, the random pictures we took together.  I keep clicking and I sigh with relief, just glad that March will soon be over, because this is my ides of March.

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About my random musings

I am originally from South East Asia and I moved to the US about 15 years ago to follow my heart. My heart has since been broken a few times, but I continue to be on journey of trying to mend it. I could talk about running, baking or writing in a small crowd, but put me in a room full of strangers and I will be the one standing in a corner people watching. When I am not writing or running, I would be in my kitchen, flour strewn all over the kitchen counters, music playing in the background and me just rolling and folding dough, excited about what my creation will turn out to be. Besides that I love passionately, when I love, I give it my all, not always a good thing, but that is who I am. I jump both feet in and sometimes I come out with regrets but having learnt a lesson. I believe everything happens for a reason and this is my place to share bits and pieces of my life, my adventures and sometimes misadventures. Hope you enjoy reading my stories as much I enjoy sharing them with you.
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6 Responses to My ides of March 

  1. Nice BLOG!!! ADD my BLOG too!!! Kisses!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. joyroses13 says:

    I always have liked this song!
    Hugs to you about your Pandora’s box, I am glad you had the courage to open it again. Don’t let it have power over you!
    Need to find some reason that will give March some joy. Something to look forward to in March.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. There are so many versions to this song, but I think this is my favorite. So many great things have happened in march but somehow something’s have the power to take over everything else. The Pandora’s box is put away and will stay shut for a long time. Thank you so much for your kind words, at the end it is such words that help one get through difficult days.

      Liked by 1 person

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