Sometimes saying no is ok

My friends or at least most of my friends always tell me I am very nice. Then again there are those who probably think I am not nice….those people better take a number and stand in line.

I have time to think about random things when I am out for a 10 or 15 mile run, I need something to focus on besides breathing, trying not to trip on the sidewalk or the music that’s playing. So I typically pick a subject and try to analyze the heck out of it while running.

I always wondered what makes me nice?  Is it that no matter what I am always there for them ? Or maybe it is that I try most often to do the right thing and be considerate about people.  But I realize all of this seems to stem from my inability to say no.

Therefore, Would they still think I am nice if I were to say no from time to time?

There is no doubt that being called nice and thoughtful is great, but sometimes I honestly don’t want to be nice. I want to be selfish and self-centered and do things that just make me happy and not worry about anyone else’s feelings.

I tend to be one of those people who will be at a stop light and give money to the homeless person standing there with a sign or fall for the most gullible story, even though I know that they are probably lying. Plus I am the one when a restaurant gets my order wrong, will point out that it is  wrong but still refuse for it to be remade and walk off unhappy that I didn’t get what I want. That maybe due to the fact that I worked in the food industry and just don’t want the other person to feel bad that they made it wrong.

However, I decided that the time has come to take control and learn that saying no is ok.  I want what I ordered and paid for…see thats easy right? At least typing it was easy, I will have to take it out to the real world and see how I do.

Even with friends, I need to learn that sometimes I have to say no….No I cannot watch your dog, no I cannot give you a ride at midnight because you drank too much, no I cannot lend you a 100$ and no I cannot let your kids/grandkids help me in the kitchen when I am baking for an order.

But it turns out saying no comes with a price. A friend recently asked me to come over and do my baking on a Friday while watching their 4 dogs and 3 cats, because they wanted to go away for the day. As hard as it was, I had to say no! Lugging all my baking pans, sugar, flour, nuts, eggs and baking in an unfamiliar kitchen was not something I was willing to do. I spend most of my Friday baking to get ready for the market on Saturday.

However, after I explained myself as to why I cannot do it, she has chosen to no longer talk to me. Now our friendship has been destroyed,  merely by the use of that 2 letter word.

I question myself about it.  Could I have been more accommodating? I really don’t know the right answer to that. I mentioned my dilemma to one of my best friends and he supports my saying no, but then again he is one who constantly tells me that I have to say no, because he claims that people take advantage of my niceness.

While I want to continue to be nice and do the right thing and help friends or strangers, I am going to continue to say no from time to time and  try not to feel guilty about it. I can only hope that the rest of my friends don’t get offended by that.

And that food I ordered that was wrong, I did go back and get it corrected.

I understand that saying no is very tough for most of us and the struggle is real, but I believe that we can still be nice and decent to one another and yet exercise our right to say no from time to time.

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About my random musings

I am originally from South East Asia and I moved to the US about 15 years ago to follow my heart. My heart has since been broken a few times, but I continue to be on journey of trying to mend it. I could talk about running, baking or writing in a small crowd, but put me in a room full of strangers and I will be the one standing in a corner people watching. When I am not writing or running, I would be in my kitchen, flour strewn all over the kitchen counters, music playing in the background and me just rolling and folding dough, excited about what my creation will turn out to be. Besides that I love passionately, when I love, I give it my all, not always a good thing, but that is who I am. I jump both feet in and sometimes I come out with regrets but having learnt a lesson. I believe everything happens for a reason and this is my place to share bits and pieces of my life, my adventures and sometimes misadventures. Hope you enjoy reading my stories as much I enjoy sharing them with you.
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12 Responses to Sometimes saying no is ok

  1. Kurian says:

    You are very nice Shweta and saying no makes you still more nice

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ann Coleman says:

    A friend who dumps you, even temporarily, for not granting her a favor is no friend at all. You know what you can and can’t do, and she should trust your judgement. In my opinion, you are nice, but your ex-friend is not!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I agree with Grabety, she wasn’t your friend to begin with. Stick to your guns and say NO when you need to say NO for yourself and don’t feel one bit bad about it!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. If your ‘friend’ stopped being your ‘friend’ for that little reason, ma’am, she was never your friend. Great post! Yes, there is nothing wrong with saying no. It doesn’t make you ‘mean’ unless the reason you said ‘no’ was to be mean. You go! More power to you!

    Liked by 1 person

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