It’s almost 3 am as I lay in bed listening to the silence. I strain my ears hoping to hear something, but all I hear is the echo of the silence.
One of my favorite songs comes to mind “hello darkness my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again, because a vision softly creeping, left its seeds while I was sleeping, and the vision that was planted in my brain, still remains, within the sound of silence”.- Simon & Garfunkel
I listen to it over and over again, hoping and willing the thoughts in my head to go away and that maybe the song will lull me to sleep.
There is something about the month of March, that no matter where I am or what I’m doing these painful thoughts come flooding to my mind. I used to fight them, but I have learnt that the more I fight them the longer it takes. It is like fighting a losing battle.
So instead I give into them and go down memory lane. Is it 3 years ago that I felt my heart was ripped out of my chest? Was it that long ago? Why does the pain still feel so raw? Questions still taunt me, but I’m no longer controlled by them or no longer have the burning desire for the answers.
I grab my old computer and decide to open the Pandoras box. It has been a long time since I have looked at these pictures. The forgotten picture folder. Looking at them I’m transported to a different time of my life, happy yet sad, in love but not loved.
I scroll past the few pictures I decided to hold on to, the weekend getaway, the first marathon, the random pictures we took together. I keep clicking and I sigh with relief, just glad that March will soon be over, because this is my ides of March.