I hate……

I went for a long run, well I consider anything more than 3 miles long. I enjoy the wind blowing in my face, the music pounding in my ears, the time to think about everything while just putting one foot in front of the other.

Not many people like running, I am not a natural runner, but I love the challenge and I feel the adrenaline pump through me while I put one foot in front of another, trying to better myself.  I like challenges no matter what… Sometimes not necessarily a good thing but sometimes it is.

This post has nothing to do with running, but the thoughts that were ‘running’ through my head (no pun intended)  while I was out there sweat pouring and sometimes tears mixed in with the sweat streaming down my face.

I am not one who likes goodbyes, but for some reason this year has been one filled with goodbyes.

I visited my parents and said goodbye to them when I left. One of my best friends moved across the country to be with her better half… I had friends come visit me and I had to say goodbye to them and on and on it goes.

However the saddest goodbye was when the person I thought I loved and loved me left. It wasn’t the leaving that hurt, it was the how and why and the betrayal that came with it that did me in.

How does one claim to love you and then in the same breath betray you ? Maybe I have higher moral and ethical standards than those who did it….maybe I have principles and so much more than he who pretends to be everything but is not.

He just did not leave, he took my faith in men with him, my belief in friendships and most importantly my belief in loyalty.

At this moment in time I hate him, I know hate seems a strong word, but I hate him for leaving when things got complicated, leaving when I needed him the most. I know this hate is not permanent, but right now that is all my heart feels.

But mostly right now I hate you for giving me a reason to write this…yes right now I hate you.

 

 

 

 

 

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About my random musings

I am originally from South East Asia and I moved to the US about 15 years ago to follow my heart. My heart has since been broken a few times, but I continue to be on journey of trying to mend it. I could talk about running, baking or writing in a small crowd, but put me in a room full of strangers and I will be the one standing in a corner people watching. When I am not writing or running, I would be in my kitchen, flour strewn all over the kitchen counters, music playing in the background and me just rolling and folding dough, excited about what my creation will turn out to be. Besides that I love passionately, when I love, I give it my all, not always a good thing, but that is who I am. I jump both feet in and sometimes I come out with regrets but having learnt a lesson. I believe everything happens for a reason and this is my place to share bits and pieces of my life, my adventures and sometimes misadventures. Hope you enjoy reading my stories as much I enjoy sharing them with you.
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