Prisoner on a plane

I sit here in this plane, seat belt on, confined to my corner unable to move feeling like a prisoner staring into the abyss.

 

As much as I enjoy traveling, exploring new places, I am not fond of plane rides, to be honest its not the flight itself, it’s airports that I dislike.

The jumping jacks I have to do when I go through security. I know I exaggerate a bit, but taking off your belt, your shoes, watch, jacket, your heart and soul and then stand on one foot, raise your hands, turn around…. Well you know what I’m talking about 🙂

But despite all that here I am on a flight, trying to curtail my wandering mind.

I’m excited about the adventure that awaits me. Catching up with one of my best friends and then running 13.1 miles and having my friends cheering me on, exploring a new city, now to me that is an adventure.

This year has been a pretty rough year for me, many disappointments, heartbreak, back stabbing and betrayal. Yes I know all that is part of life and lessons, but I suppose being betrayed by someone you called a good friend for more than a decade is gut wrenchingly painful to deal with.

Here is a brief synopsis of my story. She walks into my home where I spend time and money to accommodate her and her family to entertain them, drive them around, cook and do everything possible for 2 weeks to make their vacation enjoyable. In return I get betrayal, back stabbing and heart-break.

My so-called friend while enjoying my hospitality, blatantly flirts with the person I was in love with and who claimed to love me. However, without stopping at th flirting, manipulated us, as in, me, her husband and my then boy friend, spinning lies to look innocent is what she did. All this because she felt a so-call connection with the person I was in love with.

I was naïve and gullible and trusting for the most part, trying to give this so-called friend the benefit of the doubt, not seeing her for who she is, not listening to that nagging feeling in my head.

At the end I am not sure if she won, if she feels the lies she spun, the lives she ruined, is worth what has happened. What does she have to show for it. A child torn from his father, a lost friendship, breaking up a relationship, all in name of fantasy she tried to chase.

The man I loved is no innocent party, he bought into her lies and deceit, he played a role in ruining of lives, he believed the lies she spun about me.

I maybe heart-broken or my gut wrenched in pain, feeling a pain like I’ve never felt, but my life goes on. I have no guilt or burden on my part, I wonder does she ?

This was why I started this blog, I needed an outlet to let my words flow freely, to say what I want, to talk about my hurt and pain.

Time is a healer and my pain is less, but moments like this, with nothing to do, my mind takes its own trip.

I do my best not to think about him, but sometimes I wonder does he think of me ? Why he hurt me, why he betrayed me, why, why, why I scream , why ?

There is no answer and I will never know the answer.

I admit I’m not innocent, I’ve made my share of mistakes, by no means did it include ruining lives or friendships. What I did was making a bad judgement call, which I take responsibility for.

This is not the end of the story, it’s my story for telling when I feel ready to say it. Maybe I will write that story on another plane ride. For now I look forward to running a half marathon, exploring a new city but mostly my time with some of my best friends.